dare to dream

Sick enough to get well

When I need to slow down, my body has always given me a nudge; this is a boon; I hadn't allowed myself to stop.

Permission now granted.

I rest.
I relax.
I say no.
I relax.

I rest.

Come Monday morning, I'll likely have bounced back.

Rest.

Giveaway: Frank Sonnenberg's Managing with a Conscience

Giveaway:  When you leave a comment here, (or tweet, Facebook, LinkedIn, etc.) you'll be entered to win one of three autographed copies of Managing with a Conscience (2nd ed.) by @fsonnenberg. The giveaway will close on Thursday, February 23 at midnight (ET); I'll announce the winner on February 24.

A few weeks ago, Lolly Daskal, Founder of Lead from Within, asked if I would read Managing with a Conscience (2nd ed) by Frank Sonnenberg, saying, "His is one of my top books of the year, and I have read many books."  In Managing.., Sonnenberg, formerly the national director of marketing for Ernst & Young Management Consulting, examines nine critical success factors for competing in the 21st century.  As he notes, "You won't find these attributes in the annual report because they are intangible and difficult to quantify. But that doesn't make them any less important..."

There was so much to like about Frank's book.  In addition to my thinking he'd make a great guest on Real Recognition Radio, and that several of the checklist were the kernels of a great HBR post, here are just few ideas that stood out. 

1)  Watch for language that stifles creativity.  In the chapter, "It's a good idea, but...", Sonnenberg talks about how we quash innovation via verbal roadblocks.  Here are just a few: "What you came up with is ok, but let's do it differently." "I know there's no reason to have it tomorrow, but I want it then." Or, "Sorry I didn't review your idea yet.  I've seen 50 others like yours this week." If you're like me, I say these at work... I say them even more at home.

Source:  Shelli Dorfe, Etsy

2)  The importance of stories:  "Stories are nonthreatening; they expand perception, highlight possibilities, challenge the imagination, and make difficult concepts engaging.  Stories help us deal with complex feelings, open us to new relationships, and call us to action.  To be effective, stories must include goals reached, aspirations achieved, and dreams fulfilled."

When I first left Wall Street, I wrote a story, titled "Daughter of the Wind."  Even if I never publish this book, the story will have helped me deal with complex feelings, to make meaning of my life, and to mark a dream fulfilled.

3)   Listening:  According to Sonnenberg, "Though we spend 45% of our time listening, if report cards were given out, few us would receive a passing grade.  Barriers to listening include:  assuming a subject is uninteresting and tuning out, focusing on how something is said rather than on what is being said, reacting too quickly before the message is completed, picking up on emotional words and not hearing the rest of the message, listening only for facts, rather than trying to absorb the ideas, allowing yourself to be distracted, and avoiding listening to subjects you don't understand."

Prior to reading this, perhaps you, like me, thought yourself a good listener.  I'm especially guilty of avoiding listening to subjects I don't understand.  Well, actually, I could do all of these better, including listening for facts, not just ideas.

I could go on, but rather than listening to me, I'd rather you listen to Frank. To be eligible for one of three autographed copies of Managing with a Conscience, leave a comment here, or you can post something to social media w/ a link back.  Here are some suggestions:

"A minute can be a lifetime" http://bit.ly/AppHX1 -- @fsonnenberg v @johnsonwhitney
"Learn to treat time as personal capital.  Invest it wisely." - @fsonnenberg v @johnsonwhitney
"If grades were given out for listening, would yours be passing?" http://bit.ly/AppHX1 - @fsonnenberg v @johnsonwhitney
"Trying to do everything yourself is not good management, it is an addiction." http://bit.ly/AppHX1 - @fsonnenberg v @johnsonwhitney
"Character in the long run is the decisive factor in the life of an individual and of nations alike." http://bit.ly/AppHX1 - Theodore Roosevelt via @fsonnenberg

Ten Buck Talk: w/ Lisa Gates and Chrysula Winegar

On Wednesday, February 22 (my 1/2 birthday!) at 7pm ET/4pm PT, I will be joining The Daily Thrive's Lisa Gates and Chrysula Winegar for their first ever Ten Buck Talk teleconversation.

I'm quite excited. 

Not only because Chrysula and Lisa are two terrifically smart, articulate women, but because some of the pre-call questions they've posed have stirred my imagination. Combine their ideas with the topics you raise, and I suspect we'll be in for an hour of interesting-ness. As a bonus, $3 out every $10 will go to Rachel Cook's documentary The Microlending Project. 

You can register here, and I hope you will!

***

For more from Lisa Gates, read her Dare to Dream post The Terribly Beautiful Trouble with Asking, and the ForbesWoman piece about me titled Breaks the Glass Ceiling with a Brass Ring. 

You may also enjoy Chrysula Winegar's piece Oh My Goodness, I Left My Voice on the Bus which happily is featured in Dare, Dream, Do.

For more on the fabulous She Negotiates course, click here.

***

If you were going to ask a question during this hour-long conversation, what would you ask?

Annie Bourne: Before You Publish, Do These 5 - no, 6 Things!

Dear Whitney,

You are about to publish your book. What an accomplishment! I can’t wait to read Dare Dream Do, and hope to catch a glimpse of the galleys before your publication date on May 8.  I'm also delighted to share with you what I learned in publishing my first book. These tips are by no means comprehensive, or even the best, but they are gems I discovered and will carry them with me into marketing The Second Secret of Edwin Hoff. My only major recommendation has to do with timing:  Please do these things BEFORE YOUR PUB DATE. Once your book comes out, you will be tumbling forward, responding to readers and inquiries and book clubs -- with little time to spare, or think. 

1.   Build a bank of 30 blogs. You already write and tweet very helpful content for your followers. Consistent blogging - one a week - is one of the best ways to sell books. I learned this post-launch and from others’ successes. Apparently, a blog will impact book sales for 3 days while a tweet apparently shows impact for a few minutes. I wish that, pre-launch, I had built a bank of well-written, short pieces that I could post, once or twice a week, to build consistency. Whenever a current idea moves you, you can of course blog about it. But while you are busy with other post-publication demands, it would be fabulous to have a bank of blogs on hand to establish consistency and maintain it. A “Blog Bank” should be mandatory on every pre-pub checklist.

2. Write the outline of your next book. In the course of submitting The First Secret of Edwin Hoff to publishers, my agent also sent it to a book-to-film agent in Hollywood. We were delighted that he saw in the main character potential for a series, and asked to see The Second Secret. So, in the lull between submission and publishing, I wrote the outline for my next book. We sent it off; he said he’d like to see the manuscript; and then the outline went into a manilla folder to wait while we were consumed with the launch of “Edwin 1”. This was lucky timing for two reasons:

First, I had learned things to apply to “Edwin 2”. These lessons came out of another manilla folder full of rejection letters and emails from agents and publishers. I scoured them for consistency. There was some, particularly around the concept of “traditional plot structure.” What’s plot structure? Exactly. So I googled, and studied, and learned. My personal goal for Edwin 2 is a tight, driving, traditional thriller plot structure that still surprises. On pub day for Edwin 1, my best efforts for Edwin 2 were outlined and in the folder.

This was a good thing, because readers’ responses really affected me. If they had been bad, it could have made me stall. But they were surprisingly positive. And this cut the gas line completely. How would I live up to their expectations? How did I even write the first book in the first place? Edwin 1 evolved through so many revisions, where on earth did I start? How could I create another book I loved that much again? See? Dead halt. So I didn’t start writing, and didn’t start writing, until one day, three weeks ago, it was time to follow my one writing rule: Apply Ass to Chair.

Then I reached into my drawer and found something wonderful: the outline. Yes, much will end up under the red pen. Much will be sent to clipboard purgatory, cut and never to be pasted again. But I have a place to start - it’s a running start - and a goal built on lessons learned at my most advanced point as a writer. And for that, I am ever grateful. Because it is hard, and not fun, to create under the burden of expectation. So build yourself a runway for your next effort when you have space to think, analyze, learn and improve, and before the expectations from the first - for good or ill - can befall you. Edwin 2 is coming along faster than I’d hoped, and is a lot of fun to write.

3. Tech Up. Before you start needing to use twitter and facebook and your web campaigns effectively, learn the tools at your disposal for doing so efficiently and for monitoring them. Set up your analytics. Learn how to save time and be more influential. I’ve retweeted this article.  Have I read it? Yes. Absorbed it? No. Followed its advice? Nope. This remains on my “to do” list. This too should be on the mandatory pre-pub checklist. Please, geniuses on the web, create a service that does all of this for us poor scribes. Free us up to write. (Actually, someone is....stay tuned, writing friends, for something good soon comes our way....)

4.  Make a Strategic Business Development Plan. Think like a deal junky. Who, beyond your friends and relations and business partners - and their friends and relations and business partners - are likely to enjoy your book. Build a plan to reach out to them. Maybe get in touch with them early; tell them what’s coming. Offer to speak or skype with them. Again, I must slot this in the “lessons learned” category, but you have time to do it now. As the publishing/marketing wave crashes overhead, it will be helpful to have tethered yourself to a strategy that lengthens the long tail of your book.

5. Make Author/Book Business Cards. Spend money on business cards. Put your book jacket cover on the front left third of the card, and your author name and contact info, including twitter handle, facebook pages, and author website on the right hand side. On the back, put quotes, Amazon rankings, logos of outlets where the book can be purchased. People look at, hold and collect business cards. But postcards are expensive, become clutter and get tossed. Anecdotally, I’ve found nearly a 50% sales effect per business card distributed. (I’m sure that number is overly high.) But today, for example, I gave out two cards. Shortly, Amazon notified me, at the request of one of the recipients, that she had bought the book. How fabulous! Which reminds me...

There’s an all important 6th...do this before pub date, and every day after....

6. THANK EVERY READER. Books are sold one at a time. They certainly are read that way. I am deeply grateful for each person who devotes their valuable time - part of their life - to read my pages. I really am. So, thank you, Whitney.  I hope you enjoy meeting Edwin.

Good luck with Dare Dream Do, Whitney. The book will be a smash!

Your friend,
Annie
writing as A.B. Bourne, author of The First Secret of Edwin Hoff, c. 2011 Watch Hill Books

P.S. I loved Annie's book which I do hope will become a movie.  You can visit her blog at www.abbourne.com and follow her on twitter @anniebourne. Or follow Edwin by clicking “like” on her Facebook author page.

My Ode to Whitney Houston

My 4th grade class snickered when we heard over the intercom, "Please send Whitney to the office, he will be leaving now."  As a 6th grader, I remember waiting for my parents to pick me up from the Almaden public library.  When my mother called to say she would be late, the clerk hung up the phone, not realizing I was within earshot, snarkily remarked, "Whitney.  What kind of a name is that?"  In high school, there were the dances, when people would ask me my name, "Whitney."  "Wendy?".  "No, Whitney." I'd  whisper-shout in the boy's ear.

I probably won't ever forget "I Will Always Love You" from The Bodyguard, one of the most romantic films ever.  I especially won't forget that because of Whitney Houston, my name became a real name.  After she catapulted to stardom, it was no longer, "What kind of name is that?", but rather people accidentally introducing me as "Whitney Houston."  That's the kind of name. I. have. I'd think.

Our names are our identity, our who we are.  After initially feeling nothing at her death, I now find myself grieving, even weeping a little. 

Whitney Houston gave my name a face.

With her death, a little piece of me -- Whitney Johnson -- has died inside.

Whitney Gray Wilkerson: Next for Women

Whitney Wilkerson is an entrepreneur, a Marketing and New Media expert who has held positions at Giorgio Armani and Condé Nast Publications, and currently the Founder and CEO of Next for Women, a vibrant online community of young professional women offering career advice and guidance from experts in a broad range of fields. She is passionate about the arts, philanthropy, leadership, and long distant running. Find her on Twitter.

My mom had a difficult job - raising three children born within 4 years of one another, one of whom was terminally ill. My father supported our family and commuted three hours a day via bus to work. I seldom recall hearing him speak about his work life and when I did, it was only to complain at the dinner table about how the females who worked with him kept getting pregnant and quitting their jobs, wasting the company money. I developed a complicated outlook on women, work, and where exactly the two intersected.

In college, I thought I would have the opportunity to explore what I found interesting and to discover all the ways that knowledge could be applied in the world. I felt for sure that I would be prepared by my professors to enter the world a polished, eager professional. I could barely wait to graduate, make an impact on the world, and be that successful working woman that my father never spoke about.

And then I graduated.

Source:  istockphoto

I successfully networked my way into a job as Assistant to the Vice President of Marketing and New Media at Giorgio Armani. Unlike so many of my colleagues, I wasn't a fashion junky desperate to break into the industry, but an eager professional willing to start at the bottom. I was the note-taking, intense young woman who came to work early and left the office late but didn't know merino from cashmere. I showed up my first day at work, at one of the world’s premiere  fashion companies, on the back of my brother’s motorcycle with a black skirt and a dress shirt wrinkled from my ride to the office.

I got promoted and eventually recruited into magazine publishing at Conde Nast Publications working for House & Garden - a shelter magazine once led by Anna Wintour. There I ran into bigger issues than what one should wear the first day on the job.  I discovered that I needed to know what to do when my manager asked me to cover for them on their expense report and say that we had a work related dinner together - when she had really taken her fiancé out for a night on the town. I needed to know how to cope with a difficult co-worker who would stand in the middle of the office screaming when she didn’t get her way.

I was overwhelmed. And I was making mistakes.  I wanted someone to guide me, to help me make well thought out and educated decisions. But my mother had been out of the workforce since we were babies and my father’s advice was out of touch. What he learned in the 1960s and 1970s when he was early in his career, while valuable, had nothing to do with the experience that I was having as a modern young woman. I read the newspaper. I bought books. I looked online. Yet there was a dissonance between the experiences and advice that I read during my commute and my own working experience.

I could see other young women struggling all around me, sidestepping grenades that they never saw coming. How do you break news to your boss that you made a major mistake that has cost the company money? Should you ask for a raise when you know that revenue is down? When the job turns out to be nothing like what you expected do you stick it out or quit and leave a blemish on your resume? I wanted to avoid traps like these, and I also needed to know the basics that my college’s career resource center hadn’t prepared me for. Was salary the only part of a compensation package that could be negotiated? How can you highlight the skills that you have gained volunteering in your community to a potential employer? Is the handwritten or email thank you note more appropriate - or both?

My career continued to take off. I went from the back of a motorcycle to the set of The Devil Wears Prada to owning my own rapidly growing company whose clients were some of the most well respected, prestigious companies and organizations in the country.  My network was thriving, the company was garnering national accolades, I got married to my college sweetheart and bought a beautiful home. I should have felt like I had it all together, that I knew where I was going. But I didn’t. Something was missing for me. I was still looking for answers to my professional questions and my company, while lucrative and enjoyable, had left me wanting and needing a different challenge.

Then I won. And my life changed at 30.

Source:  istockphoto

Sitting on community non-profit boards and being a leader in my professional network garnered me a nomination, and a win, for a 40 Under 40 Leadership award. Along with the bottle of champagne and the trophy presented to me at the award ceremony was a scholarship for a leadership and executive coaching program. The 3 day retreat gave me insights and tools, it gave me perspective and confidence. This course changed my life. It also left me flabbergasted. There wasn’t a single other young woman in the room.

I was curious and I was also inspired. I knew from the many conversations with my friends and colleagues that I wasn’t alone with my quest for answers to my professional and personal challenges and a sense of community. Yet if there were so many of us looking for guidance and inspiration then why hadn’t the room been filled with young women just like me? Was it the hefty price tag? Or was it that coaching had been traditionally reserved for executives, servicing those that had already ‘arrived’ instead of those that ‘could be’? I didn’t want to read another CEO’s autobiography talking about his adventure to the top. I wanted real, honest experiences. Real, honest feedback. Real, honest insights. That I related to. And so did other young women.

So I created it.

I founded NEXT For Women as a small, professional community in my home city offering workshops, structured networking events, and online resources. It was exactly the challenge that I had been craving. We have since revised business plans, experimented with our offerings and grown our network. I have had the privilege of working with some of the brightest young women. Those that have embraced our philosophy, used our resources, and leveraged the NEXT for Women community are finding real success in the toughest economy in generations. They are finding their first jobs, obtaining their next internship, building their own networks. What they are not doing is making the same mistakes that I did. The last several months have been an incredibly busy for us as we have launched the beta version of our online community, developed national and international partnerships, and seen our mailing list grow from hundreds to thousands. NEXT for Women is still in it’s infancy but every time I see a young woman ask a hard question or get an honest answer I see that dream move forward.

Women now comprise more than 50% of the U.S. workforce and more than 50% of all new undergraduate degrees. The world does not lack intelligent, driven young women yet in industries such as science and technology 52% of females continue to drop out before they reach senior executive positions. Still only 2% of Fortune 500 CEOs are women. What the world lacks is adequate mentorship, trusted resources, and formal and informal networks for women to learn, succeed, and engage in our personal and professional lives. The need is greater than ever right now and NEXT for Women is working to change this equation one intern, one college graduate, one eager young professional at a time.

By offering free and life stage relevant advice on every aspect of a woman’s budding career we have democratized the concept behind executive coaching and leadership training. With NEXT for Women you don’t need to be Ivy League educated or be the ‘it’ girl in your office to receive access to professional development tools. We bring the advantages of a retreat like the one I experienced to young women regardless of educational background, location, or income.

NEXT for Women has gathered peers and experts alike to exchange ideas and advice in a way that speaks to young women. The platform provides access to the acquired wisdom of a greater community and fosters a space for questions and discussion. That way, the advice given by the site isn’t limited to our articles and videos alone: other users who read your questions about, for example, building a personal brand, can share their acquired wisdom through commenting and user generated content.

I refuse to to chalk up my own career speed-bumps as simply paying my professional dues. I want to take those experiences and turn them into something vibrant and positive that answers both want and need. I struggled. And now I find myself solving those struggles for other women like me. My father couldn’t answer my questions - nor could my mom. So now I’m answering them for myself.

How have you worked through obstacles and celebrated your successes?
Where do you turn to for advice?
Are there young woman in your life that could benefit from NEXT for Women?
We would love to hear from them and from you!

Why I'm Glad Sheryl Sandberg Isn't On Facebook's Board

She’s been described as Mark Zuckerberg’s most valuable friend, the key cog in the vast machinery of Facebook that makes everything else work.  The one person without whom Facebook would have never gotten this close to an IPO, a woman who helped propel Mark Zuckerberg’s social experiment into a juggernaut. 

Forget the question of why there are no women on Facebook’s board, how could Sheryl Sandberg not be?

Gobsmacked as I am at her omission, and recognizing that this may have been a severe pain point (see conversation recounted in the New Yorker article), there is a piece of me that is grateful that this position of influence has, thus far, been denied Ms. Sandberg. Because I have to wonder if her 2010 TEDWomen talk -- a talk that has rallied this current generation of career women to step up and “own their success” – would have been given if Ms. Sandberg already had a seat at the table.

 
Sylvia Ann Hewlett suggests that Ms. Sandberg's pedal-to-the-metal rhetoric underestimates what a slog success would be without the bevy of powerful mentors (eg, Larry Summers) and credentials (eg, Harvard) that have benefited her career.  Even so, if I were in her shoes, I would question why I wasn’t on the board.   Did she need to be smarter, credentialed, or prettier?  Or had she finally come face-to-face with bias?  Either way, if Ms. Sandberg had already been admitted to the inner sanctum, could she have given a speech encouraging aspiring women everywhere to reach with all their might for the brass rings that have long been handed to male executives?  Would her impassioned speech have had as much power and resonance if it didn’t come from her own place of sorrow at being denied a very significant seat?

From my experience, out of the deepest sorrow emerges our greatest strength and contribution.

Take Clayton Christensen for example, the NY Times bestselling author of The Innovator’s Dilemma: I wonder if his speech (now a book) “How Will You Measure Your Life?,” would have the same poignancy or even urgency, had he not suffered the blow of a heart attack, late-stage cancer, and a stroke?

What of Eunice Kennedy Shriver, the founder of the Special Olympics, a woman of tremendous wealth and privilege?  Would she have started the Special Olympics had she not witnessed her mentally retarded sister Rosemary treated with what Shriver described as “unbearable rejection”? Or if she hadn’t personally “experienced the sting of rejection as a woman who was told that the real power was not for her.” Meanwhile John Kanzius sought to find a cure for cancer, not just because he was denied health, but because of the pain he saw in the eyes of children being denied theirs.

Reflecting on my own journey of writing Dare, Dream, Do, some of the richest narrative, the most deeply felt moments are those that have come from personal sorrow and struggles, my own and others.  This book was born not from prolonged days of splendor in the sunshine but rather through the struggle of a blustery, sleet-filled winter. As we wrestle with the losses in our lives, the disappointments and moments of cosmic unfairness, we often make our greatest contribution.

Some may call this matter of a board seat frivolous.  I would argue empathy does not discriminate.  Others may say that compared with the heroic feats of beating back cancer, Sheryl Sandberg’s rallying cry for women is rather pedestrian. However, if we concur with the Dalai Lama's view that the “world will be saved by Western Women,” then encouraging women to not only enter the room, but to “occupy a chair” and sit at the table is of paramount importance.

It’s time for Mark Zuckerberg to put a face, if not two or three, on the women of the world.  And yes, it should be Sheryl Sandberg in the room -- at the table. But I’m grateful that during the time she remains without that seat, she reminds us that, despite our efforts, obstacles remain, even as she has empowered us to enter the room, sit at the table, and chair our lives.

Chris Oestereich: Paging Tomorrow's Heroes

Chris lives with his wife Eileen and their two sons in St. Louis, MO, where he works as a project manager and sustainability leader.   He maintains an active presence in social media, sharing ideas via Twitter (@costrike) and his blog (http://dystopianpresent.wordpress.com), which revolves around social and environmental justice issues.  Chris enjoys playing soccer with his boys and spends much of his free time learning about global food systems.  He intends to somehow complete his first book, tentatively titled “Food Fight: Humanity at the 4th Agricultural Crossroads,” later this year...

***

Some might wonder why I read a blog that "encourages women to dream, and then to act on their dreams."  Okay, so I'm not the target audience, but that's not what matters.  What does matter is that Dare to Dream is a clarion call for women to step up, claim equality and do something amazing with their lives.  We should all have such a great purpose. 

Equality for its own sake is reason enough to pursue this cause, but for those who aren't swayed so easily, there's more.  There's a growing body of evidence which suggests that "companies with more than three women on their board have a higher return on investment."  There's no doubt in my mind that this is true and that we'd be better off if we made it a priority to develop women as leaders.

I'll offer my family as a case in point.  I consider myself a pretty decent parent, but my wife's selfless approach consistently blows me away.  Whether to sacrifice for our children is never a choice that's weighed, but an automatic trigger that's pulled for her.  I know she's a special person, but I also think there are basic differences in the general perspectives of men and women which are important to consider.

Source: istockphoto

Geert Hofstede's cultural dimensions theory offers clarity.  Hofstede, the founder of comparative intercultural research, measured the general tendencies of national cultures on the following four dimensions: Power Distance (PDI), Uncertainty Avoidance (UAI), Individualism versus Collectivism (IDV), and Masculinity versus Femininity (MAS). (Definitions of Hofstede's cultural dimensions are listed at the end of this post.)  His research found that the US is a highly individualistic, masculine, short-term oriented culture.  Put simply, it’s every one for themself, winner take all, can’t see past the end of our noses around here.  From where I stand, it seems things could be better for all of us.  I believe that we could use a little balance on these dimensions, and that having more women in leadership positions would help us strike that balance.

As for me, I’m working to disrupt myself to become a better husband and father, leader, and co-creating change agent.  I went back to school to earn an MBA a few years ago and then decided I wanted to work on sustainability issues, so I’m now half way through a Master’s program in sustainable development.   I’m learning as fast as I can, while building relationships and increasing my ability to influence positive change.  My formal education may be drawing to its close (Who knows, maybe a PhD is in the offing…), but my thirst for knowledge is unquenchable.  I'm going to continue working to figure out what matters to me and then digging in on those topics.

In short, I think I’m living proof that we can disrupt ourselves.  It starts with that nagging feeling that life could be more, that we could be more.  For me it was the feeling that my work was unsatisfying and the idea that continuing down that path was truly inconceivable.  When you feel that tug, grab hold of it and don’t let go. (It might just be your ikigai.)  Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu said that, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”  That first step will likely be hard (If it wasn't, everyone would do it.), but it can also be incredibly exciting.  All it takes is the decision to break free from your patterns and try something new.  Turn off the TV, take a deep breath, and take that first step towards doing something great.  Don’t wait for purpose to find you.  Look for it in the things that rev your engine.  Pursue your passions and start working on your “dent in the universe.”

And when things start to happen don’t worry.  Don’t stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.” Dr. Seuss (Oh, the Places You’ll Go!, 1990)

Source:  istockphoto

You might find it odd that a guy, who’s still working to advance his career, would openly advocate for the development of women leaders.  Well, I guess I look at things a bit differently than most.  We often hear talk of the rising tide which lifts all boats, but the last few years have exposed holes in that metaphor.  I believe our cultural traits shed light on the difficulties here.  We look out for me (instead of we) and use a dangerously short timeline in our decision-making processes.  Having more women in leadership positions would help us shore up those deficiencies, thereby creating more and better opportunities for all.

Back to the question of why do I read Whitney's blog? That's easy.  In my efforts to disrupt myself, I am constantly looking for sources of inspiration.  The posts may target women, but I find they inspire indiscriminately.

I especially love this line, "Don't wait for purpose to find you."  It reminded me of Amelia Hertzberg's post Ballerina, Superspy, Oh My.

Were you familiar with Geert Hoftstede's cultural dimensions theory?

Are you stepping up?

P.S.  Chris has been nominated for the First Movers Fellowship Program at the Aspen Institute, please do wish him well.

***

Definitions via Geert-Hofstede.com:

Power Distance (PDI)
This dimension expresses the degree to which the less powerful members of a society accept and expect that power is distributed unequally. The fundamental issue here is how a society handles inequalities among people. People in societies exhibiting a large degree of power distance accept a hierarchical order in which everybody has a place and which needs no further justification. In societies with low power distance, people strive to equalise the distribution of power and demand justification for inequalities of power.

Individualism versus collectivism (IDV)
The high side of this dimension, called Individualism, can be defined as a preference for a loosely-knit social framework in which individuals are expected to take care of themselves and their immediate families only. Its opposite, Collectivism, represents a preference for a tightly-knit framework in society in which individuals can expect their relatives or members of a particular in-group to look after them in exchange for unquestioning loyalty. A society's position on this dimension is reflected in whether people’s self-image is defined in terms of “I” or “we.”

Uncertainty avoidance (UAI)
The uncertainty avoidance dimension expresses the degree to which the members of a society feel uncomfortable with uncertainty and ambiguity. The fundamental issue here is how a society deals with the fact that the future can never be known: should we try to control the future or just let it happen? Countries exhibiting strong UAI maintain rigid codes of belief and behaviour and are intolerant of unorthodox behaviour and ideas. Weak UAI societies maintain a more relaxed attitude in which practice counts more than principles.

Masculinity versus femininity (MAS)
The masculinity side of this dimension represents a preference in society for achievement, heroism, assertiveness and material reward for success. Society at large is more competitive. Its opposite, femininity, stands for a preference for cooperation, modesty, caring for the weak and quality of life. Society at large is more consensus-oriented.

Building a Business Model Around a Book

In Clayton Christensen's book The Innovator’s Prescription he explains that business model innovation is one of the core elements of a successful market disruption.  Meaning, that a simplifying technology may spark the disruption, but it is the business model that maximizes the reach of the technology.  Last month I wrote about what I've learned thus far in writing/publishing Dare Dream Do. This month, I'll share what I'm doing to wrap a business model around the book:

1)  Build a website (or online presence) -- It's not really true that if you're not on the web you don't exist. But it is. My online presence has historically been more of a stake in the ground with the simple www.whitneyjohnson.com landing page, and this here blog. With the launch of the book, it's time to have a proper homestead.  The problem is that just as I am not much good at a major remodel of a home, remodeling and expanding my website isn't my forte either.  I do have a pretty strong sense of what I want the site to do, but the design and technical aspects are out of the realm of my expertise.  Fortunately, I've got a good designer in Brandon Jameson, a good builder Eric Hackenberger, and Rusty Shelton for SEO optimization.  Stay tuned.

2)  Shoot a 2 -minute video trailer - As an online retailer, Amazon has the luxury (or call it a requirement) of hosting a 1 1/2-2 minute video trailer.  Happily, Jill Friedlander at Bibliomotion connected me with Dean Russell who shot the trailer, while my book manager Carolyn Monaco introduced me to Phoebe Ramler; and, no I didn't want to take the make-up off ever, I felt so lovely.  Meanwhile my friend Julie Marriott was kind enough to let us use her kitchen for the shoot. Dare Dream Do is meant to feel like we are sitting around a table drinking hot cocoa while sharing stories with treasured friends.  Julie's home and friendship captures that feeling perfectly.  The hardest part of the day was the first couple of takes. I got all wooden-y, trying to deliver a memorized script rather than just talking about why I wrote the book. I did finally loosen up; I hope that viewers will sense my enthusiasm for the topic.

3)  Write an e-book on how to run a Dare Dream Do circle/retreat.  I procrastinated on that one for several weeks. But alas, I have finally started, and do plan to hit my deadline of February 15.  I don't know yet whether this will be sold as an e-book or be downloadable for free on the website.  This will be about 10 pages long, and be a sort of lesson that will allow women to study the book together, either in one evening, or 2-3 evenings.  Because what women do is so often intangible and difficult to measure, my experience is that we dream best when we dream together.

4)  Organize my social media life -- "Are't you already a social animal?" my daughter would ask me.  It's true I am, but Becky Robinson, who was referred to me by JesseLyn Stoner, is helping me put some order around all my animal activities.  Like -- "create the daredreamdo facebook page"; then ask all of your friends to like your facebook page (please do); create a twitter page for daredreamdo. Working with Becky is a pleasure.  She's expert, has a tremendous ethic, and has an excitement for the book that goes well beyond money.

5)  Blurbs -- Blurbs, of course, are 3rd party endorsements from people who are not only willing to invest the time to read the book, but to share a small piece of their good reputation.  Asking for blurbs is a bit scary, especially from people you know and admire.  WHAT IF THEY DON'T LIKE IT?  But when you get one back, it's quite thrilling.  Here's one, for example, from Barbara Corcoran, NYC real estate mogul and investor on ABC's reality show Shark Tank. 

Dare.Dream.Do is filled with great advice and energizing true stories from real women who are bootstrapping their way toward a dream.  Pick up this book and you just might find yourself living a life you’ve only imagined! This should be required reading for anyone with a forgotten wish, a pie-in-the-sky fantasy or a quiet dream hidden in their heart.  In other words, Everyone.

The countdown continues. It's only 93 days until May 8, 2012, she squeals.

Will you go to the Dare Dream Do page and Like?

Do you have a dream that is in search of a business model?

Anything you'd like to know about the process of launching a book?

Lisa Gates: The Terribly Beautiful Trouble with Wanting and Asking

Lisa Gates is the founder of The Daily Thrive (www.thedailythrive.org), an online learning community for women launching today, January 30th, from the folks who brought you She Negotiates (www.shenegotiates.com); she is also a regular contributor at Forbes Woman.  Lisa and her team are a bit obsessed with finding a fit for your life that is not only doable, but sustainable is their mission. Her special topic is negotiation and her life's work is to help women get better at it so the real work of dreaming can happen.

***

Asking for stuff spells trouble. Terrible trouble. Think jobs, promotions, sabbaticals, a homemade cake for your birthday, a pink Cadillac, anything. The terrible trouble is that when ask for stuff, you will not only find yourself agreeing and committing to things, but you might be asked to reciprocate in some way. In other words, you will end up causing yourself to be responsible for the relationship you create by asking.

The question, “Will you marry me,” comes to mind. You ask, and suddenly you are committing to—and responsible for—purple taffeta for the bridesmaids and tighty-whitey Hanes in the laundry and in-law meddling and mewling infants and adolescent car wrecks and suddenly you’re 49 and wondering, “How, how did I get here? This is not my beautiful life.”

Or you give your resume to Google. You put your hat in the ring for the Coordinator of Chaos, and they offer you $100K and you roll over with a “sounds great” (agreement) and shortly you realize your real title is “The Butt of Everything” and you’re mad.

You could have just “let the days go by” with nary a desire, and all would be well. You’d be single, living in your condo or cardboard box, strumming your ukulele on the corner or working at Starbucks with no questions asked.

But sheez, you had to go and WANT something. Not only the thing itself, but also the stuff the thing comes with, like happiness, livelihood, respect and social capital.

Well. Hmmm. Our Buddhist friends will tell you that desire is the root of all pain. Paradoxically, our Buddhist friends also will tell you if you want to evolve, get in a relationship.

You see, asking, negotiating, requires relationship and consciousness—the two things that push our stasis buttons into quandary. That said, women are great at creating relationship, and we’re pretty darned willing to be conscious about them. Aware. Mindful of the needs of others.

So what we’re talking about here is the kind of asking that requires you to give as good as you get, and that’s what interest-based negotiation is all about. It’s the kind of asking that thrives on reciprocity and relationship. And it puts your collective wants, needs, desires, preferences and, yes, dreams in the center of a big buffet table of possibility. Together, you and your negotiation partner, sit down to feast on the choices that make you both immensely happy.

You could wend your way through life never really asking for a thing. You could avoid asking your spouse for one holiday without the in-laws. You could avoid the terrible pain of asking Google to review your title and salary. But resentment just isn’t your style. Happiness is.

So girl up and start wanting.

What happens when you ask?

"When we ask we find ourselves responsible for the relationship we create by asking." -- I like this.

P.S.  This is the same Lisa Gates from whom I took a negotiating course.  If www.thedailythrive.org is anything like She Negotiates, you're in for a whole lotta of thriving; also on the team is @Chrysula who guest blogged here.

P.P.S.  Lisa's husband is a grip for the television show The Mentalist.  Yes, I know -- pretty cool.