dare to dream

Sara Hutchins: 12 Year-Old Dares to Design

12 year-old Sara Hutchins is considering becoming a fashion designer when she grows up.

Won't these dress designs for Shabby Apple Dresses be stunning on a statuesque 5'7" girl like Sara?

For Sara's first design, she envisions a blue ribbon in the middle, green plaid skirt, yellow short sleeved top.

Her second design is a green/grey dress with a yellow scarf; grey, heeled shoes with yellow buckles.

 

I am so proud of her for daring to dream:  I'm thinking there should be a special category for all dress designers under the age of 18!

When you have a moment, won't you leave a comment telling Sara 'Atta Girl'?

Making and Owning Our Choices

The following post is dedicated to my daughter Miranda on her 9th birthday.

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On my daughter's 8th birthday she was baptized into our church.  It was a wonderful day for our family, a hallmark within our family's religious tradition, a day she described "as the most important day of her life thus far".  In addition (and as part of) its religious significance, this day marked Miranda's willingness to make and own her choices.

Miranda is in the center with friends A on the left and E on the right.

Here's some of what I learned as Miranda prepared for this milestone day:

Allowing our children to own their choices makes their dreaming less of a dare
Miranda chose where and when she'd be baptized, who she wanted to baptize and confirm her (dad and Aaron Hutchins), who would speak (Jen Riddle and Kristy Richards), sing (Sara, Emma and Anna), play the piano (me), pray (her brother and Jeff), and what kind of food she wanted (Swedish cake, cherry cake, and cheesecake).  It was also her job to ask the speakers to speak, the singers to sing, etc.

In the myth of Psyche, a story which outlines feminine psychological development, Psyche's first task is to sort the seeds, a task symbolic of learning to make choices and prioritize.  How are our children learning to make choices and prioritize?

In not making obvious choices, our children are likely trusting their intuition
Miranda chose two people to speak that she knew, but they weren't the obvious choices.  The insights of these particular speakers made the day that much more special.  She also asked David to give a prayer.  As he prayed that "whatever scares her will go away", it was a tender moment.  He teases her and she knows he loves her.

As Psyche sorts the seeds, the ants, symbolic of intuition, come to her aid.   When was the last time you, or your children, made a choice that wasn't obvious?  How did it turn out? 

Photo courtesy LaNola Kathleen Stone

Be aware of the (seemingly invisible) hands that help us
Because I spend little time organizing meals, and certainly not for groups of 50 people, I was overwhelmed by the prospect of orchestrating a celebratory party.  Roger (my husband) and Kathy Dunnigan had prepared food, but once we were at the church, the food needed to be served, the kitchen cleaned.  Women such as Rachael, Lisle and Rebecca helped, and helped without my asking.  I was and am grateful, but it would be easy to overlook their contribution to making the day what it was.

As Psyche sorts the seeds, the ants are so small, she could have discounted their role.  What projects are you currently working on for which your contribution could be overlooked?  In turn, who are the ants, nearly overlooked contributors, in your life?

***
What are your religious traditions?  In Penelope Trunk's Brazen Careerist blog she writes All Career Issues are Religious Issues. Maybe.  Assuming you agree with her assertion, how can a faith tradition which involves learning to make and own our choices help us achieve of our dreams?

Any other thoughts?

Dare to Design: Shabby Apple

When Shabby Apple announced a Dare to Design contest, I thought -- Neat, tweeted about the contest, and indicated I'd be happy to feature the winner.  Done.

But then a tweet came back -- 'Why don't you enter?"

Surely they were talking smack.  But Miss Shabby Apple was serious: "You have a good sense of design, and you are darling, why wouldn't you?"

1. Because I don't draw.  I. Really. Don't. Draw.
2. Because "Designing clothes isn't my dream. It's for someone else to dare.  Why waste anyone's time, including mine?"
3. Because Athelia Woolley, one of the owners, though not a judge, guest blogged here... and I'm so very cautious about conflicts of interest.

But after two weeks of unsuccessfully pushing the idea aside, I capitulated, and got to work.  As per the instructions, here are my dress designs (in collaboration with Leslie Graff) for Shabby Apple dresses.

Design 1:  Work
Though I usually wear pants to work, sometimes I want to punch things up.  This dress is meant to be professional, tailored, feminine, and worn with my Manolo Blahnik patent leather strappy shoes.

Here's what I've learned:

1)  We don't dream in isolation;
Had it not been for Miss Shabby Apple giving me a sincere compliment, I wouldn't have considered this contest as within the scope of possibilities for me.  Simple words from a relative stranger; she was an artist of encouragement.

Is there someone for whom we have or can with a few words help open up their world? 

2)  To get our dreams done, we will likely need to field dare to dream teams;  
Only by asking for help from, and collaborating with Leslie Graff (thank you Aaron Hutchins for introducing us), was I able to enter this contest.  As an expert artist, Leslie was able to put what I envision on paper.  On the off chance that I win, I will split any royalties received with her.  Incidentally, she has dared to design her own dresses. They are adorable -- she should definitely have her own collection.   

What would you like to try?  What kind of help would you need?  What can be your quid pro quo?  Who can use your help?  What's her/his quid pro quo?

Design 2:  Cocktail Party/Fundraiser Evening
This flowing, figure-flattering dress with trumpet sleeves and in colors reminiscent of my favorite Hermes scarf is to be worn with high-heeled slingbacks.

The final thing I learned:

3)  Sometimes it's about doing something, just because we want to...
Would I like to see one of these designs as part of Shabby Apple's Spring collection?  Yes.  But it was the process that made this contest worth entering.  Thinking through the occasions for which I'd need a dress -- what neckline, sleeve length, skirt style, and colors would most flatter my figure.  It was so much fun!

What would be fun for you?  Just because?

*** 

Related posts:
Is your dream off-the-rack?  Or tailor-made?
What we can learn from TLC's 'I've Got Nothing to Wear'
TLC's What Not to Wear:  A Hero's Journey

What VCs Want: More Lessons from the Shark Tank

Have you ever said or heard said "I'm certain I have a good business idea, but I just can't seem to get it funded."?  Assuming you've adequately vetted the idea, business plan in hand, your pitch perfected, and still no takers, the idea may not necessarily be bad.  Rather your proposed business doesn't 'do a job' the money folks, or venture capitalists (VC), want done.

According to Professor Clayton Christensen's jobs-to-be-done framework (remember Lessons Learned from Katie Couric), whenever a VC invests money, he or she is hiring that investment to do a job for him or her.  It's partly about making money, but it's also about their hiring the business -- which is in many ways an extension of their identity -- to positively reinforce that identity.

To illustrate my point, let's take another look at the reality show Shark Tank.  Four of the five sharks are men.  Will Ava the Elephant, a children's medicine dispensing product or Plus Size Women's (Start at  Minute 31) clothing appeal to them?  Not so much. 

Technology?  Sports?

Take a look at this clip beginning at 31 minutes:  if you are outside of the U.S., click here.

Yup, you got it.

Throughout the series, the male sharks were shrewd, detached.  Not so in negotiating a deal with JumpForward, a mobile application that prevents college sports recruiting violations.  Robert twirling the pen says everything.  Hiring this deal to make money appears almost secondary.  One nearly wonders who is the bait.

Takeaways?

For women entrepreneurs: 
If your business isn't getting funded, maybe you'll need to bootstrap longer.  Or rework the pitch so the VC community sees this as a job they want done; in the 'outside reality-TV world, 90-95% of VCs are men. 

For Male VCs:
Take a look at the deals your peers have dismissed.  There is likely some pay dirt amidst the perceived dross for which you'll pay a lot less; maybe even boost your return-on-investment (ROI).    

If you're a woman VC...more on that later.

***

Thoughts? 

Julie Berry: Embracing Round

Julie Berry lives in suburban Boston with her husband and four young sons. She is the author of several novels for children and young adults including The Amaranth Enchantment published by Bloomsbury and works in software sales and marketing.  You can read more about Julie and her favorite books here.

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At a recent meeting of a Boston-based salon-style women’s group, the discussion leader, Kimberly Carlile, posed these questions, following a conversation on the transformative power of literature in our lives.

Can we see our lives as stories, and ourselves as protagonists?
If so, are we flat characters, or round?

Source:  istockphoto

In fiction we’re fascinated by characters who, like real people, are flawed, unpredictable, conflicted, self-deceived, smart yet irrational, courageous yet fragile, prudent yet occasionally reckless, irresponsible yet sometimes noble, righteous yet privately naughty. Books I love best confront and embrace their characters’ roundness. The author’s empathy for, amusement at, and delight in their little cast of loonies shines through on every page.

When Kimberly asked, “Are we flat characters or round?” I realized something about myself that I hadn’t articulated until I put it in the language of literary character.

I occupy many roles – wife, mother, author, marketing director, choir director, neighbor, friend, daughter, citizen, and so on.  But what character do I play as I occupy these roles? Is it an honest one?

In my town I often play The Frazzled Mother of Four Rambunctious Boys. This is scarcely an artistic stretch. I’ve spent years polishing my performance. The community is happy to place me there. I get a lot of, “Four?  All yours? God bless you!” as if I’d sneezed my sons into being.

Source:  istockphoto

The problem starts when I adopt this character consciously, hamming up my performance, so to speak. Egocentric Me is stroked by the positive attention (“Four boys! How do you do it?”). Lazy Me believes less will be expected of me in this role (“Tardy again, Mrs. Berry? Oh, that’s all right.”). I wear it as a sandwich board, a pre-emptive excuse for the chaos in my life. If Frazzled Mother of Four Boys is what you think of me, you’ll, perhaps, overlook my messy house, filthy car, late paperwork, missing school snacks, forgotten trumpets, unanswered messages, etc.

Except – and here’s the kicker – what you’ll actually think of me is entirely independent of this little charade I play in my head, and, furthermore, who cares what you think? This performance is staged by my ego, for my ego.  It’s narcissistic at its core, caring nothing for those to whom I owe honesty, friendliness, or punctual permission slips.

Source:  istockphoto

And, it’s a lie. I’m bigger and better than I let on. I’m defrauding you when I play this game. The fact is, I can manage my life better, when I choose to. The truth is, I’m making choices other than to be a better manager of all my duties.  Some of those choices may be worthy, and some may not.  It doesn’t really matter. The more I play roles to con you, stroke my ego, and appease my anxieties, the less I am looking at you, thinking about you, getting to know you, or learning to serve you.

Flat roles are invidious weeds that choke the honesty out of relationships. I’ve got to keep Nervous Maiden and Insecure Wifey out of the bedroom, because they sap my marriage of its potential, and focus its resources on my needs, instead of his or ours.  I must keep Super Busy Young Mom out of my relationship with my own mother, lest I deprive her of attention she deserves at this more isolated stage of her life. I’ve got to banish Well Intentioned But Forgetful from my friendships.  Above all else, I must, must, must keep Overstressed Mother of a Herd of Hooligans out of my relationship with my sons, or heaven help them all.

 
Source:  istockphoto

Possibly the worst deception wrought by adopting shallow roles is that I, myself, come to believe in them, to accept the definitions and limitations that I’ve so long projected to others. This form of “losing myself” carries no prize for virtuous self-sacrifice, but only leaves me stuck and starved, pretending and powerless.

What then? Will my round bumps, my glaring self-delusions, run away with the story of my life? Am I casting myself as a supporting character, a pawn in my own existence?

This very defect is one of my psychic curves – this manipulative, self-deceptive streak of mine. I’m emotionally rotund, and convinced I can fool others into believing I’m flat.

And that, if nothing else, makes me funny.

(Round, flat ... couldn't I be svelte?  Is that so much to ask?) 

Source:  istockphoto

As I write and revise the novel of my own existence, how shall I view my unruly protagonist? I can choose contempt, despair, and torn, abandoned pages. Or I can wink and nod next time I catch her pulling her shenanigans, give her a stern lecture, perhaps, and ultimately paint my heroine with empathy, amusement, and delight.

***

What roles do we play?  Or do we play some richly and roundly, and others flat?  For those in which we play flat, why?  Roundly -- why?

Can we say brava to ourselves for the roles in which we are round (smart yet irrational, prudent yet occasionally reckless, etc)?  Maybe even ask our flat characters if they might understudy to the round?

As we write our story, how do we paint ourselves?  A pawn in our existence, or the hero -- with empathy, amusement and delight?  Or a little of both?

After reading Julie's essay, you may want to re-read Jaime Cobb Dubei's:  School's In Session.  As LaNola pointed out in the comment section, Jaime narrates her story purely, neither self-vaunting nor self-deprecatory.

The 'dare to dream' imagery has circles/Venn diagrams.  It's easier to dream when we dream together. Is it also easier to dream when we play 'round', are willing to do things badly/be in beta? 

If It's Worth Doing...

Always be a beginner at something.  Bill Buxton via Saul Kaplan

We need to get over what we were taught in school. Look at Google, everything is always in beta.  Conversation Agent via Robin Dickinson

If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly.  G.K. Chesterton via Lisa Boyce

***
When I read the above quotes, I feel myself physically relax, perfectionism fading away.

Because anything really worth doing, from parenting to marriage to career to friendship to dreams -- we sometimes do rather badly.

Like I did this past week.  So badly that I wanted to quit.  Oh, so desperately.

Which is why when I heard Lisa Boyce quote G.K. Chesterton, it was a gift.

Source:  istockphoto

If we're doing things badly, maybe it means that we're doing things worth doing.

And we're in it.   In our lives, our relationships, our dreams. 

Be a beginner.
In Beta.
Doing things Badly.

Feel better?

Me too.

Special Screening of Motherhood: Giveaway

Are you ready for a night out with one of your friends, mother, daughters?

I am.

I'm going to the advance screening of Motherhood on Monday, October 19, in Boston.  You and a guest might be too if you live in Boston, NY, San Francisco, L.A. or Chicago.  The best part?  No need to wait in line, because you'll be on the RSVP list.

Options are:
Boston -- October 19 at 7pm
New York -- October 21 at 7:30 pm at a Manhattan Theatre 
Chicago -- October 19 at 7:00pm
Los Angeles -- October 21at 7:30pm at a Santa Monica Theatre
San Francisco -- October 21 at 7:30 pn

To be eligible, leave a comment telling me which city you live in.   I'll announce the winners tomorrow, October 16, at 5:00pm.

***
Editor's note:  I continue to find the poster in which Uma Thurman has a pacifier in her mouth offputting. Thus I haven't posted the poster.  But paraphrasing Uma Thurman on yesterday's call, a film in which "the mother is the central figure, not a device to move the narrative forward, is rare'.

   

Every time we spend money/allocate resources we make a choice about the world we want.

I want a world in which mothers have a voice.  A world in which we use our words, instead of stopping them up, pacifier-like.

So I will go.  I hope you will too.

In the meantime, I can't WAIT to announce the winners.

P.S.  It is now October 17 -- the winners are:   Ellen P (Boston), Madeleine W (LA), Luisa P (New York), and Alice L (San Francisco).   Can't wait for there to be more giveaways!

LaNola Kathleen Stone: Rebirth of the Creative Self

LaNola Kathleen Stone, an award-winning photographer and art director in New York City, tells stories (both her own and others) with images. She specializes in shooting children's fashion and interiors, though recently she's received accolades for her fine art photography.   Her work Memories Abandoned (discussed below) is included in Surface Tension, an exhibition curated by Dan Halm at the SVA Gallery, NY, beginning Wednesday, October 21.   Memories Abandoned will also be featured in the Aqua Art Fair during ART BASEL MIAMI in December 2009.  Whereas her last post Measuring Up told the story of another, in this post LaNola shares some of her own story.

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I've spent the past year making images that I want to make.  After 9+ years working commercially in NYC this was quite the stretch.  I was rewarded for my efforts and the response to my work has kind of surprised me.  I've been validated by awards, scholarships and even an invite to show work during Art Basel Miami at the Aqua Art!

Since I was very young I've had an active imagination.  When I was introduced to the medium of photography at 14 I was free to express these creative meanderings; I have never been able to draw well so photography was a godsend.  Then I had to choose a career and sadly I've pushed the images in my head to the side while I have tried to make money with my photography.

I took these images and ideas that played in my creative mind for granted until they were gone.  I had never known life w/o ideas and images and I was worried that they'd never return.  As soon as I was done feeling sorry for myself my "lost years" of 2006-2007 (years of living with abuse), I went searching and the images again began to appear.  Now I validate them, all of  them. They are my white rabbit beckoning me to follow and adventures await.

Image copyright LaNola Kathleen Stone 2009.

SERIES TITLE:  Memories Abandoned

Memories Abandoned is a series of images of my now abandoned childhood home in Utah.  These images are portraits of my childhood experiences in the selfsame location with genuine artifacts of the experiences  portrayed (ie: wardrobe consists of my actual childhood clothes and  the placed props are actual items from this time of my life - it helps to have parents who save everything, thanks Mom & Dad). Themes explored within the images are the impermanence of time, the deterioration of memory and space, inevitability of change and through it all, resilience and the ability to move and exist beyond our surroundings.  Following are two images from the series:

The Boys’ Room
I used to break into my older brothers’ room and dance to their records. Records such as Upstairs at Eric’s by Yaz, Duran Duran’s  Rio album, and of course the Thriller LP. Each was significantly more cool than the Burl Ives crap and Saturday’s Warrior I had on 8-track tape.

Image copyright LaNola Kathleen Stone 2009.

Computer Room
We owned an Apple II clone called the Franklin Ace 1000. We spent many hours playing text based adventure games but “the littles” (Allyson, Kimberly and I) were not allowed to actually touch the computer and the boys got to do all the typing. In 1984, Macintosh introduced the 128K complete with MacPaint and MacWrite. This was the first computer "the littles" were allowed to run completely by ourselves. I’ve been a Mac girl ever since.

Image copyright LaNola Kathleen Stone 2009.

I still pursue commercial work (girl's got to pay rent, ... and now a mortgage) but I will never again suppress the call of my creative self. 

The constant with everything is time.  Undaunted by circumstance, time is relentless and moves forward.  We needn't live in our heads or in the past, our past is there to be utilized as a springboard in the present.   It's what you and I do today that pulls everything into a marvelous narrative, our possibilities -- our future.

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Do you have anything that came naturally to you as a child which you have subsequently suppressed?   Is it time to dust off those gifts, renovate that talent?

Have you ever thought of your creative ideas as a white rabbit beckoning you to adventure?

How can we foster the creative self in our loved ones -- spouse, and/or children?

How does your present + your past = possibilities for your future?

I will be in NYC for the Exhibit Opening on October 21 -- would you like to join me?

Giveaway: Naartjie Kids -- $50 Gift Certificate

Naartjie, a children's clothing store, has their grand opening in Boston's Natick Mall this weekend (October 8).  They are inviting us to celebrate with them by making a $50 gift certificate available (redeemable on-line or in-store) to our 'dare to dream' community.

From the website, the name “Naartjie” (pronounced nar chee) is an Afrikaans word for “a small, sweet citrus fruit found in Africa”.  When founder Anna Eales opened her first store in 1992 in Cape Town, South Africa,  a tall standing vase filled with branches of tiny naartjies stood guarding the doorway. These had been cut from a “lemon” tree growing in her garden. 

In spite of regularly being watered and talked to, this little tree had struggled to grow, and been overlooked for months and years as everything else grew up around it.   Some months before the first store opened, this tree that had struggled was covered in beautiful, scented, creamy blossoms; weeks before the opening the small tree bore its first fruit.  Instead of getting bigger and gradually turning yellow, the hard little green balls became wider and fatter and turned orange.

The little “lemon” tree had decided it was time to show its true colors. It was in fact no lemon at all, but a naartjie tree.

Source:  Flickr - aquilaonline

To be eligible for the $50 gift certificate giveaway, click through to the Naartjie website, choose an outfit that you like, and copy the link to the comment section.

For example, I like this newborn jester-hat outfit.  After browsing the newborn page, I'd copy and paste this link in the comment section below.

If you like this outfit for boys, you would copy and paste this link.

For the girls in your life, copy and paste one of these links. 

The contest will close at midnight on Friday, October 16,.  I'll determine a winner using www.random.org, and announce the winner, on Saturday, October 17 via Twitter (see 'Tweet, Tweet') over to the right.

Which outfits do you like?

Which outfits do you think best show the true colors of the children that you love?

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Have you struggled to grow, thinking you were a 'lemon tree', only to find that you were an 'orange tree'?

What has been or could be the catalyst for showing your true colors?

Founder Anna Eales started Naartjie because she wanted clothes that her kids could live in -- what ideas have come to you because you wanted to solve a problem?

P.S.  It is now October 17 -- and the winner of the Giveaway is Donna G!

Shark Tank: There are Boy Sharks, and Girl Sharks

Shark Tank is a new reality show in which entrepreneurs pitch their business ideas to potential investors. There are five total investors or sharks, four men, one woman.  I am intrigued by how gender differences (as highlighted in the following clips) seem to inform or influence deal negotiations:

Clip 1:   Two female entrepreneurs are pitching a playpen cover called Coverplay. Their portion of the show starts at 30:37.  Notice the terms on which the male vs. females are willing to do a deal.  Not to say the female isn't tough, but even in driving a hard bargain, listen to how she thinks.  Who would you want as a partner?  Here's another example of her feminine style, a style you'll note rather befuddles the toughest of the male sharks.

Clip 2:  A male entrepreneur is pitching custom energy bars or Element Bars.  Female shark bows out early.  He negotiates hard.  Male sharks are eating out of his hand; he even jokingly offers him a job.  Would the male sharks have responded so warmly to a woman with the same approach?  Would a woman have even negotiated?

Clip 3:  Titled Pretty the female entrepreneur's product is good enough, but the male sharks are surprisingly eager, like sharks to the bait.  She doesn't ask (If women aren't asking for something, we are playing within societal norms of femininity), but situates herself such that the men ask.  As the sharks vie for her attention they in effect negotiate on her behalf.

What differences have you observed between the negotiating styles of men and women, including your children?

Having observed these differences, how can you use them to your advantage so as to get done what you need/want to get done in the world?

Whether in our business, civic or church communities, how do we decide who gets 51%?  Or more broadly speaking who has ownership of a project?  When we don't have control, how do we stay engaged?